Body Hair Evolution

"You're like the most recent and updated version, whereas I'm like Windows 95."

Gentrification

"Whenever I want to feel safe, I just google for a Whole Foods."

Castoreum

"Dude, I dare you to eat that beaver's anus."

Dog Alignment

"Are you saying dogs zero out their main control to the magnetic field when they take a dump?"

Don't Be A Dick

"If there's a dick walking on the street, it doesn't matter if it's small or big.  It's still a dick."