Addictions

"I used to be tethered to my phone, but then I sold it for cocaine!"

Hookers

"Hey, how come people always leave a conversation when we start talking about hookers?"

Throwback Tuesday

Programmer #1: It's like writing code and no one ever using it.
Programmer #2: It's like rain on your wedding day.

Adult Diapers

"What's your tell?"

4 Versus 4

"You boys are in trouble"
"I'm taking you to school and teaching you P.E."

New Job Feels

MS: The worst feeling is being useless at work.

MD: Oh yeah, just ask Guy.

Negotiation

"If you are not laughing at your salary when you ask for it you aren't doing it right."