Commerical Work

"On one hand you have high turnover, but on the other hand you have high turnover."

Halp

ZD: this will cost you

MS:  NOL

ZD: that isnt a real abbreviation
dont use that
stop it

MS:  FFFULP

You Know When You Get The Sweats?

"Dude I call that sleep grease."

It's Oh So Quiet

"Yeah this is like the office equivalent of waking up with a hangover."

Bumper Dumper

"CSI:  Crap Scene Investigation."

"Hastag Colon Casting."

Slamonella

"Instead of cell matches, they're shell matches."

"He's always cracking skulls."

"He puts all his eggs in one basket."

"His tag-in partner is The Scrambler."

Lite-tu Coin

"He's like 'moon-desu.'"

Enough Socks To Make A Sweater

"You are the Cruella de Vil of socks!"

Good Ol' Concrete

"piss off nature!
i paved you"

So Much Insomniaaaa

"at least your shit isnt on fire haha"

Sneezin's Greetings

"S just gained her infinity cough."

Antibodies Need To Get Fired

no communication within on this body dev team
mucus department is crunching unnecessarily
we're like 1/3 of the way through this production and that department still fucks up pretty often

Listening Skills

"I'm going to murder my face."

Winning!

"Both of us moved across the continent and developed health problems on this project!"

Death

MS:  I want to die in bed.
DT:  Hahaha.  Not a bad place to go.

Just Let Jesus Drive For You

"Jesus lived in a time where there weren't cars!"

Pantsing

"The pants on that guy!"

Zombies

"Bury them upside down so they can't escape."
"Or over a mine, so they can do work for us."

Showers

"Shower beer sucks."

"I just like getting spit roasted in a shower."

XBox Controller

"I want an XBox controller built like me:  Dead inside."

Get Shit Done

"I really pour all of my hatred into my shots when I'm here late at night.

"It's a blight on your lifestyle right now, and it needs to die."

Nice Day For A Knifing

"Nothing says first date like a knife fight."

"Easterly shanks with a high chance of mugging."

Earthquake

"Feel the quake? I thought I farted too hard.  I pretty much was farting at the same time."

Animators Finaling

"i imagine at the end of this project you're just going to release an hour long super cut of us being autists."

Dat Helmet Tho

"He's still in swoop state."

NyfeQuil

"You need some throat lube."

Bikes

"If you're a bike salesman, are you a bike peddler?"

Sizzling Sacks

"Pain pouches:  The marsupial of food."

Pizza Techniques

"If you don't fold pizza, you get more pizza."

A Canadian Shame

"Nickelbacteria."

Sushi Burritos

"Hey, girl...  I'll explode in your hand like a baseball player throws a sushiritto."

Appendixes

"Why do humans have appendixes?  They're just little death machines."

Lego

"My kid asks if he can help me build my Lego sets and I just look at him like 'The fuck you are.'"

A New Hole

"You just bought your way into confusion hole."

Velcro #2

"How do you get off velcro?"
"I don't know, if I saw a floppy velcro dick..."

Magnet Fetish

"I'm just so attracted to you."

"I couldn't see how fast this magnet was fucking me."

Fierry: Starring Brad Pitt

"We'll never bake it out alive."

Velcro

"We harvested three cats for this velcro strip."

I Misheard You #14

"Frosted Nips."

Is Local Man Sorry?

"I'm soooooorry horn."

If I Had Your Size Face

"Are you saying Andy and I have big faces?!"

The Freedom Effect

"Once I moved to the States, I gained so much weight."

Amsterdam

"Did you know in Neverland when the red light turns on, everyone gets prostituted?"

Fish Fatigue

"I think it's called being bored.."

Typography

"It's also really easy to get into cocaine."

Talk To The Yacht

"Hey, how much for the yacht?"
"It's not a yacht."

Let The Genie Out

"'Glubber.'  Staring Throbbin Williams."

Stress Eating

Get Out

"i dont think you could ever warn someone about the industry though
like they wouldnt listen
when you're outside you have the most rose colored glasses in the world
and you think "man if i could just animate a leaf in a pixar film, i'll settle for being paid in john lasseter farts"
but then when you animate that leaf and work dat OT all week and on Friday your paycheck of farts comes in a mostly used Dasani bottle you question your life"

Volcanos

FJ:  So this exists: https://www.bungee.com/bzapp/volcano/index.html  And ONLY $16,000!  What a steal!
DT:  Dude just tell them you'll pay afterwards and cut your cord on the way down.  Freeeeeeeeeeeee suicide.

Andy and Don are the Same Person

AL:  What should I do with my life?
DT:  Volcano.  Suicide.

Old Timey Memes

"Tipping his hat to m'madam, m'lady."

Ragin' Cajun

"The great sauce crash of 2017."

Animating Birds

"Drop and give me fifty birds!"

What Does It Smell Like?

"Heirloom-grade bisque'poke brown bag."

Basements

"They're so great at storing spiders."

Shaking Trudeau's Hand

"I wish it wasn't like touching the Canadian underwear model unicorn pope but it was."

Execute Some Art

"What if you did a piece where you sit and don't masterbate?"

"You surround yourself with the blank canvases to provoke yourself but then you just don't."

I Fucked Up The Guac

"I'm not scheduled for any fucking chips, Mike."

I Like Prisma

"It's oddly satisfying. Just like a swirly poop."

Meeting Room Bookings

"Mike H.  Pooing.  3pm to 5pm."

Colleagues

"Let's wait for Tom.  We like him."

300 Years From Now Will Be Terrible

"We were born in the perfect time.  Before the future hell, and after the previous hell."

Personal Transport Pods

• Mobile gym you can work out in while you commute.
• The sunroof opens and allows for a shower during your workout.
• The pod fills up with curry so you can eat.
• "There'll be a bunch of naked people flying around in pods."

Decadent Poop Puré

"Heirloom-grade, bespoke poop in a can."

I'm In A Fuck Drought

"With every passing week, the fields in which I sow my fucks grows thinner and thinner."

Without Bagels, What Is Life?

Breaking news out of Playa… Facilities has informed me that today’s Bagel Friday is temporarily being changed to No Bagel Friday.  No back story just yet, as the story is just developing.  But we are told something went awry, robbing us of bagel goodness on this day.

Regular bagel programming should resume next week.

Thoughts and prayers…

LA Parking Lots

"You haven't lived until you've died in a parking lot."

The Most American British Person I Know

"Sandals: The shoe of freedom."

Chipotle Run

"Uhhhh, jobless! What do you think you're doing skateboarding on a Thursday afternoon??"

Lunch Time Meetings

"I'm not scheduled for any fucking chips, Mike."

Sans Internet

MS:
i wonder what life would be like if the internet never was

DT:
terrible lmao

id still be outside doing something

come on, fuck that haha

Trash Panda

"look at this trash panda

apologizing to this cat

for accidentally hurting it 

fucking adorable

kill me"

(source: http://i.imgur.com/r1Qxx2z.gifv)

File Names

"Come here Dot Rar.  Play nice with Dot Zip."

"Good ol' Mov and Avi."

Alphabet Names

"My name is M."
"What's it short for?"
"Fourteen Ms"

Foety The Baby

MH:  It's going to be nutty.
DT:  I'm pretty sure it's a baby.

Contract End

"You know what Sony's gonna be when I leave?  Horizon Zero Don."

Dabbing

"Your mother's ashes.  Show me."
"Which direction?"
"In the direction of swag."

Dragons

"One dragon please."
"... Uh, sir, we don't sell dragons..."
"One dragon please.  I don't care if it's Prime."
"But..."
"I'm Crispin Glover."

It Tasted Like Gasoline

"Prison Dave was pretty bad."

Clefts

"If you kidnapped a bunch of those people, you'd be a cleftomaniac."

Blue Whales

"It's like their mustaches evolved into teeth."

Melons

DT:  If you killed someone with a melon, would it be a melony?
AY: His wife would be... melon..choly...

Your Toilets Are On Fire

"Hot flush potato."

I Don't Know What Babies Eat

"Here's a burger and some Bud Light?"

Mocap Talk

"Such famous takes as Take E."

Licking Stallone

"Your tongue would just turn into a flexing arm."

Replace With "Use"

"I'm so happy I used that dinner last night."

Things From The Deep

"Ocean is like one big scary hole."

Dev Cycle

"Baby's first crunch."

In The Army

"Bring your child to Afghanistan Day!"

"Wait, is your dad a helicopter... pilot?"

"Flying a helicopter tank is easy.. But a normal helicopter.."

What Do We Say to the Lighting God?

"Not today."

Mr. Burger is Making a Mess Out of Me

"I'm trying to have an intimate relationship with Mr. Burger."

A New Pokemon

"Lobons, Semilobons, and then Lobex."

Winning The Lottery

"Remember that time you sat three seats away from me at lunch?  How about that money..?"

Son, We Rolled You a Juicer

"Avi's always Jew'sing."

Attribute Points

"I'd re-spec Career to make more money."

Reverse Hulk

"You won't mind me when I'm angry!"

Sleepless

"I can't sleep!  I can't nap!  I can't doze!  It's all gone!"

Worst Punemy

DT:  He's really going to Klingon to it..
AY:  He's going to need a lot of Kli... nex for it.
DT:  Oh, goddamnit!

Our Legacies

"When my children bury me, they'll be like, 'I'm glad that sick fuck is dead.'"

Wasabi is Weaponized Mustard

"The most delicious death ever."

"Show us your wasabi glands."

Storage

"You don't know what's too far back in scary hole."

You Melt Cheese to Drink?

"It just burns your throat hole."

I Fucking Hate Carrying Things

"It's practicing for the gym."

Tom Hardy's British, Right?

"A bit'a jitt'a rot thar, Batman."

My Dad is a Man of Zero Class

"He gives negative fucks.  He went into fuck debt."

What's The Other Michelin Star system?

"The Jiffy Lube Star."

Teetertots

"Tater tots for toddlers on the edge."

Hercules' Death

"These clothes are lit as fuck."

How Did We Ever Reach Adulthood?

"I'm not sure, I think in all other parallel universes, I died choking myself out in 5th grade or something like that. This is the best timeline for me."

A Useless Invention Or Mikes & Seans

"Shorkelling."

More Hot Key Action

"I shave my fingers to animate faster."

Then's When I Leave

"Let tigons be tigons."

How Do We Make Helicopters Faster?

"Put planes on them!"

Movie Theatres

"Amazing animals and where they are."

Backstory

"Mistletoe was out of town."

Super Power

"Can I land on three points?"

Meitu

"Apparently Jack is kawaii as fuck."

At Least We Didn't Dab

"Back in my day, we just choked ourselves out."

Advice On Stress

MD:  So I'll tell you a story I just told the dude who sits next to me: (cuz everyone stresses).  I used to stress a lot about animating and then I realized that my dad was a spy... A bad day for him, people died... A bad day for me, NO ONE dies... So just chill the fuck out.
MS:  Your dad was a spy??!
MD:  That's not the take away!!