Just Let Jesus Drive For You

"Jesus lived in a time where there weren't cars!"

Pantsing

"The pants on that guy!"

Zombies

"Bury them upside down so they can't escape."
"Or over a mine, so they can do work for us."

Showers

"Shower beer sucks."

"I just like getting spit roasted in a shower."

XBox Controller

"I want an XBox controller built like me:  Dead inside."

Get Shit Done

"I really pour all of my hatred into my shots when I'm here late at night.

"It's a blight on your lifestyle right now, and it needs to die."

Nice Day For A Knifing

"Nothing says first date like a knife fight."

"Easterly shanks with a high chance of mugging."

Earthquake

"Feel the quake? I thought I farted too hard.  I pretty much was farting at the same time."

Animators Finaling

"i imagine at the end of this project you're just going to release an hour long super cut of us being autists."

Dat Helmet Tho

"He's still in swoop state."

NyfeQuil

"You need some throat lube."

Bikes

"If you're a bike salesman, are you a bike peddler?"

Sizzling Sacks

"Pain pouches:  The marsupial of food."

Pizza Techniques

"If you don't fold pizza, you get more pizza."

A Canadian Shame

"Nickelbacteria."

Sushi Burritos

"Hey, girl...  I'll explode in your hand like a baseball player throws a sushiritto."

Appendixes

"Why do humans have appendixes?  They're just little death machines."

Lego

"My kid asks if he can help me build my Lego sets and I just look at him like 'The fuck you are.'"

A New Hole

"You just bought your way into confusion hole."

Velcro #2

"How do you get off velcro?"
"I don't know, if I saw a floppy velcro dick..."

Magnet Fetish

"I'm just so attracted to you."

"I couldn't see how fast this magnet was fucking me."

Fierry: Starring Brad Pitt

"We'll never bake it out alive."

Velcro

"We harvested three cats for this velcro strip."

I Misheard You #14

"Frosted Nips."

Is Local Man Sorry?

"I'm soooooorry horn."

If I Had Your Size Face

"Are you saying Andy and I have big faces?!"

The Freedom Effect

"Once I moved to the States, I gained so much weight."

Amsterdam

"Did you know in Neverland when the red light turns on, everyone gets prostituted?"

Fish Fatigue

"I think it's called being bored.."

Typography

"It's also really easy to get into cocaine."

Talk To The Yacht

"Hey, how much for the yacht?"
"It's not a yacht."

Let The Genie Out

"'Glubber.'  Staring Throbbin Williams."