The Italians Have A Word For That

"Cazzi acidi dolci!"

Human Meat

"Should I go with the veal, or the sucklet?"

Blood Oranges

"I dunno, it's kinda like a taste journey."

Motionbuilder is Like Brad

"He's that really charming, nice guy you're seeing.  Then around your friends he's a total dick."

English

"A bit'uh jit'uh rot there."

Can You Give Me Another Example?

"Oh man, I bought some hot dogs and didn't cook them first. Totally raw dogged it."

"You just straight face raw dog it."

"If you go into a public toilet and don't check if there's toilet paper first and just sit down."

"Accidental raw dogging."

Swag

"I think we all remember where we were the moment the Playstation Store came online ten years ago, yes?  I was a young pup ready to grab that tiger by the tail and say “hello world, I am here to conquer!”  Ten years later I am a broken shell of a man, but it doesn’t change the fact that we have free water bottles to commemorate this occasion."

What is Mars' Number One Export?

"Fucking sweet dunks."

Samsung Note 7

"Just carry your phone naked."

Tacos

"Oh, this one's peeing into the other."

Dealdos

AR: Nobody goes to sex shops at one in the afternoon.

SF: But that's when you get the best deals!

The Secret Lives of Cam Gnomes

"They have gnome names. I said what I said!"

The Poverty Wheel

"Trip to Detroit!"

Suspenders and Belt Faux Pas

"If a guy can't trust his own pants, how can I trust him?"

Breakfast Calzones

"I could really go for a frothy calzone."

McCotine

"Cocaine is a great advertising tool."

If You Could Drink Someone, Who Would It Be?

"Mmm I'd drink someone with diabetes 'cause it'd probably taste good. Then probably Brad Pitt.  Actually, if Brad Pitt could get diabetes that would be ideal."
[Another note, you would inherit their negative aspects.]
"Brad Pitt has no negative aspects."

"Danny DeVito... Wait, I meant Robert DeNiro."

Body Hair Evolution

"You're like the most recent and updated version, whereas I'm like Windows 95."

Gentrification

"Whenever I want to feel safe, I just google for a Whole Foods."

Castoreum

"Dude, I dare you to eat that beaver's anus."

Dog Alignment

"Are you saying dogs zero out their main control to the magnetic field when they take a dump?"

Don't Be A Dick

"If there's a dick walking on the street, it doesn't matter if it's small or big.  It's still a dick."

Weight Loss Tips

"Women should try growing beards, it makes you look thinner."