She Said...

"I'm running out of sausage to work with."

I Am So SMRT

"Being smart is not part of my job description."

I Asked A Child...

M:  "...what are you going to be when you grow up?"
E:  "An adult."

Why Don't You Be More Awesome?

"I am already at the max of awesome."

Birds and bees

"Mommy, where does the internet come from?"

Butter Buddies

"I like to smear smør all over myself."

Vertical Snow

"This snow is like crazy talk."

I Love Islands

If you had as much money as Michael Jackson, what would you do?

I would buy an island.

M:  Then I would genetically engineer dinosaurs and make it an amusement park called Happy Go Land.
J:  Rainbows.  I would make Rainbow Island.
W:  I would make all the stuff that movies promised we'd have by now like hoverboards, teleporters and flying cars.  They would be created by really hot female scientists like in a hip hop video.
M:  I would fly to that island and make a hip hop video!

Things I Learned #2

While looking for funny pictures of animals partying, don't type in "bear party."

The Trouble With Bananas

M: Here, you do it.
W: No, I am not opening your banana for you.
M: But it can't be opened!

I Misheard You #4

"You are not your Snuffleupagus??"

My Advice to You

"When in social situations, build more Mutalisks."

This Weather Cramps My Style

"Sunny intervals and -6...  How am I supposed to not wear pants?"

National Security Mittens

"You can't hack into the Pentagon wearing mittens."

Crunch

"No shaky face during work hours."

The Clothes Make The Man

"I like guys that dress nice, but not every day."

Rockstars

"Guys don't need a reason to like girls, the way girls do with guys."

I Misheard You #3

"Sock shopping?"

The Full Effect

"If you want rumble on the dildo, I'm your man!"

Pork

"Do you think Kevin Bacon is an attractive man?"
"Yeah, I'd have a piece of that bacon"

Juno

"Babies save marriages."

I Misheard You #2

"How is it that the more stupid I get, the more smarter I get?"

Brains

"How do you know all this?"
"I have a biiiiiiig brain."

I Misheard You #1

"Free leprosy!"

Don't Do Drugs and Draw, Kids

"Did it look like it did when I drew it? I wasn't sure it did in real life."

Foursome

W: You don't have to be gay.
J: You just have to be bi.
M: You don't have to be bi, you just have to be paid.

Patriotism

"It's not going to protect me, to die for my country."

Is She Single?

"No, she has a baby."

Surdej Rugbrød (or Really Old Sourdough Bread)

"We have to have a zombie bread party!"

The Downside of Shaky Face Photos

"The shaky face killed my parents."

Man of Steel

"Superman can do anything...... Yeah, he's annoying."

Learning the Drums

"I'm trying to think in my head".
"Don't think in your head".

Not a Lot of Things Make Sense in My Head, But...

"Cake makes sense."

Walk and Turn

"It's like slow motion, but fast."

Lunch Time Ignorance

"What's the name of those Indians, it's like the name of a Jeep."

How well do you know yourself?

"I don't think you don't."

Release the Kraken

"Let's smoke some Kraken."
"You know what this soup needs?  More Kraken."

Sometimes Modelers Say The Darndest Things

"You're an adequately attractive man."

Cake Preference

"Chocolate or nothing.  Fuck you."

Panda Drawing Techniques

"How do you draw a stick panda that's not having sex?"
"One less stick."

Meeting Conversation

"I have to stretch my toes."

Douchebags

"Every country has a Snookie."

How to be Funny

"Just imagine you are Zack Galaphanakis."

A Comment Regarding Great Acting

"It was like I was raped in the eyeball."

Kissing

"You don't kiss because you want saliva in your mouth."

Shaken, Not Stirred

"Why does everything have to be about Sean Connery?"

A Serious Discussion About Relationships

[Jersey accent] "Heeey, I have sex with her once a month, why would she want to cheat on me??"

An E-mail to a Producer

"And by boobs, I mean coat tails."

The Opposite of Bitter and Cynical

"You are a bunny wrapped in a baby chicken."

Beep Boop

I drew R2D2 flipping my co-worker the bird.

A Typical Breakfast Conversation

"I choose you, Cloacachu!"

Brainstorming

My lead wants to work in the think tank of Awesome. I'd love one of those business cards.

Things I Learned #1

At lunch I learned that it's common practice to check your children for threadworms while they sleep.

The Holy Trinity

We think the reason Segal, Van Damme and Norris haven't been in a movie together is because the universe would implode and reset.